The Gynosadist

Last year, I was single, clueless about my life, going through a rough breakup, and waiting for my Mr. Perfect. Today I have everything I ever wanted right in front of me, but still I cannot comprehend how the other person has moved on.

Is this just one of the seven sins, greed, or is it something more? Sadism.

When he called me, I was nervous, and didn’t know how to tell him that I was ready to get married and settle down, but it turned out that his voice was so excited, that with my 6 years’ experience with him I noticed was something big.

I said, “What’s up. You sound excited!”

He said, “I am so crazy about someone, that I can’t get her out of my head.”

I smiled sarcastically, finding the line cheesy and familiar from our previous conversations, and said, “ Hmmm and?”

He said, “She has a boyfriend! God why do I always get myself in this mess?”

This is where my smile vanished from my lips. I knew that this was not one more ‘I-cannot-get-over-you’ kind of conversation. I felt bad. A mixture of surprise, possessiveness and disbelief came over me. Exactly in that order.

I had heard of ex boyfriends fall in love, get married, have kids too, but this one was just not the ordinary ex boyfriend. He was someone I had spent many years –a significantly large chunk of my life—with.

After a long silence, which he obviously deciphered, I said, “Wow! I will be getting married soon too. Nice. Both of us have moved on after all.” I knew it was the sadism that drove those words out of my mouth. I felt disgusting. I was happy in my world, but I was still uncomfortable with someone, who I threw out of my life, moving on.

Are all women this greedy? I hope not. The problem was in me. I was so hurt in the previous relationship that I think I wanted him to writhe in pain, regretting the fact that he let me go. I had accomplished that a long time ago.

“I might meet a million women, but I wake up everyday cursing myself for being a jerk and letting the most precious thing in my life go,” he said. But what made me even happier – and sadistically gratified – was when he said, “Whoever the b****d [obscenity] is, I know he is one lucky m****f***er [obscenity] and I would kill to have what he has.”

I knew it was time to put the phone down, and I did. Except, this time with hopes that he found that special someone, and lived happily with her.