A mother's letter to her son

Sweetheart,

When you were born, the world was not a nice place. People were killing each other, bombing cities, destroying countries and mistreating women, but that did not stop me from dreaming. When I saw your little fingers, little mouth, and half-opened eyes you filled my heart with love and my mind with dreams nevertheless. Dreams about how different you would be, dreams about the way you would walk, talk, love, dreams about how your knees would bruise and heart break, and of course, like any other mother, I had dreams about who you would grow up to become too.

Yes, I dared to dream, because that is what mothers do – they dream and they love. I will irrevocably love you, but don’t take that love for granted.

I may pamper you, and some times even give in to your foolish demands, but that is because you are my baby. That does not mean everybody has to. A mother’s unconditional love should be your strength, not your excuse to do whatever you want.

But I am not just another mother. There are two things that some mothers forget to tell their sons, and I will make sure I say: firstly, I will not flinch to throw it all away if you hurt anybody, especially a woman, or lay a finger on anybody weaker than you; secondly, when someone says no, it means no. You stop whatever you are doing right there, irrespective of who says it. I want you to be a fighter, not a bully.

Also, there are many things that you don’t know about women.

They may appear weaker than you are, but they are not. They are the strength in any household or family, the bond that keeps it all in place. Don’t try to break them. Actually, you will need a lot of effort to do it, so don’t even try. Also, the strength behind every woman is infinite other women, don’t underestimate them. They can be dangerous.

She can trust with all her heart only once, don’t do anything to ruin it for yourself or somebody else. Protect her if you can, but if you can’t at least don’t make her cry. A woman’s tears can haunt you for a long time. No dreamcatcher or therapy can stop the nightmares or guilt from shadowing you. If you see a woman cry, ask her what happened. Whatever happened, make sure you help her, not out of pity, but out of love.


And no, nice boys don't finish last. Know that.

That moment, that problem, that woman has to become your highest priority then. Cancel everything else – meetings, appointments, and even dates— if need be. A few missed appointments wont make a difference in the long run, but this acquaintance, friendship or relationship will. That moment might define the rest of your lives.

I’ve fallen apart so many times, sometimes even on the sidewalk. I am your mother because someone told me to hold myself together. They were my angels. You have it in you to be one too, just listen and be kind.

Women are the more rational of the beings. Accept it, drill it inside your head, and face life knowing it. Talk sense (if you can) to her and she most likely will understand. Don’t expect women to fall for baseless and silly rules. If she doesn’t understand, open your heart and listen, she probably has a reason for doing it. If you cannot agree, walk away, but don’t hurt her before leaving. You leaving is bad enough.

Women have psychic powers. If she does not belong with you, she will break your heart, but you will understand later. Don’t blame her, fate, or bad luck, she just has the foresight to know that you would hurt each other if you stuck around. She is no less than a psychic. Don’t hate her, or try to hurt her. Walk away, because there is someone for you. That someone might not be better, but she will fit in just right in your life.

I agree that all women are not saints, and there may be women who hurt you in ways I did not teach you were possible, but walk away quietly. People don't change, and it is for your best to not let yourself be provoked. Anger is fine, rage is not, and violence, don't even think about it. It's a boomerang.


Women are pretty, yes, but haven’t I told you ‘Not everything pretty is yours.’ Admire from far away, but don’t touch unless she wants it. No woman can be anybody’s property. She is independent. Well, why the heck not, right? She has the brains to act rationally on free will, a heart that can endure anything, and feet that will bring her back up before you finish that beer.

If you are at a dance club and find a girl pretty, go on, go and talk. Don’t be a sissy, you will know if you are not wanted. She will probably lie saying she’s taken, don’t trust her, but walk away. It only means you’re not her type. You cannot be every woman’s type, but when you do find someone that responds to you, treat her well.

Grab some food (women love to eat late in the night!), and don’t forget to offer her your jacket if she is cold. I know it is cliché, but when you gaped at her with your mouth open, telling yourself that she was gorgeous or had the cutest smile in the world, you lost your right to be warm. 

Also, have I told you about boogieman? When it gets dark, some men become evil, and think all is forgiven. Be it in the club or at the movies, don’t fall for cheap thrills. Never force yourself on anybody, you are much better than that. You may be in the mood, and nobody questioned your looks, but it is much better to go home, watch porn and jerk off, than to spend a night in prison, or being chased by the cops. You, my love, have no idea what goes through a mother's mind when she sees some CCTV footage on a news flash with her son groping a group of girls. I don’t deserve that pain, no mother does.

I wrecked my body, I flawed my complexion, I destroyed my career, I gave up on beauty sleep, I ruined my metabolism, I messed my hormones up, and even let you sleep in between me and your father because I love you. Don’t kill that mother in me.

Women are built to be great sisters, friends, girlfriends, wives and mothers. Don’t forget where you came from. Don’t forget that every time you tried to walk, a woman held your hand. Don’t forget that when you were hurting, a woman kissed your pain away. Don’t forget that when you were hungry, a woman gave you food. Don’t forget that when you wanted to play, a woman took you out to play. Don’t forget that when you lost hope, a woman prayed earnestly for you. Don’t forget that when you had a bad day, a woman took you to the movies or dinner and made it all better. 

In Hindi, there is a term, dood ka karz, which literally translates into indebted by milk. Respect women. You owe this to me, don’t taint my love, and make me a failure.

My heart cannot stop loving you ever, and to love a monster would be my failure.

And if you prefer men (phew!), the same rules apply there too. No bullying. Period.

- Mamma