Connection: This life or the last?

Ever wondered why sometimes we meet people who seem so familiar that you instantly gel? I believe in karma and past lives. And what happened to me this weekend only made all my beliefs stronger. This weekend was a whole three day wedding affair. My best friend was getting married and I did not foresee how somethings were going to change my life as well.

For the first time I felt completely at home. None of the people at the brides house seemed strangers to me. It was like a dream and everyone there seemed to be a vivid part of my subconscious brain. Thanks to this, I felt reality was more hazy than usual. All this was nothing. The presence of one particular person there made complete sense to me. Though we hadn't ever met, I felt like we knew each other for ages...or maybe lifetimes!

Was this possible? I didn't need much of an introduction to actually start feeling comfortable with him. Any body can misinterpret what I am saying right now...but it was just perfect! Too perfect to be true. For heavens sake I didn't even know his second name. We looked out for each other, we spoke petty things, we insulted each other as though it was our birth right but we didn't realise that we were reliving something that might have been something in the past. A friendship or a relationship I don't know what!

I choose to turn off my logical brain and enjoy this beautiful feeling. There was not a single doubt nor an iota of insecurity in my body for me to not let my defenses down. I looked at him with eyes of familiarity and I was sure he understood something too. Nobody could possibly release themselves from these chains of security and perfect understanding. The reason why I am trying to make it sound so negative is because it was so powerful and overwhelming that anyone would succumb to it! I felt so special around him that I forgot I belonged to another family to whom I must return! (On reading this for the second time...it sounds weird but I think only he will understand)

We had our own life and our own commitments but this was so different. A connection made for no reason. A bond beyond rationalising. We didn't speak much after the last meeting but I am not built to contain emotions inside myself and have to express it to live in peace. I picked up my phone and messaged his mom(Whom I love more:P ). Destiny or coincidence I will let you decide but he replied! I was jumping around like a crazy woman and then it started....

We realised over the next many hours of non stop texting that all the speculations I made about us, he made them too! Nothing is better than missing someone so bad (Why should I miss someone I just met? Now you understand why I threw logic out before I started writing this blog) and realising that they missed you too! We texted all night as though there was no tomorrow and with both our guards down completely. From an acquaintance I hardly knew about, he got promoted to one of the most important people in my life!

They say the first few days of a knew relationship is when people talk the most...but ours was different. We knew this was not our first meeting! At least it didn't seem to me like it was! This life or the last one I don't know but I knew him really well. I am sure we will just not ever get fed up of each other. I managed to forge a new relationship that made my life complete! Why will I let life go back to being incomplete!?

Stereotypes: Imaginary Or Real?

There was a session at my workplace on stereotypes and similarities. What the hell I thought! Is it real that we meet people in life who are similar to other people from our past? I didn't want to believe that nobody was unique. He spoke about how there are a maximum of 150 stereotypes that an average man has seen in his life. That was spoken on Friday and obvious fact is that the thinker in me had a whole weekend to think about how many stereotypes I had met in my life. Alas! I was shocked.

I made a conclusion. The conclusion is that there is no minimum or maximum number of stereotypes in the world. It was just equal to the number of people we knew really well. People included in that list are family(closest ones: parents and siblings), best of friends, worst of enemies and miscellaneous(every person who had touched your life in ways you never knew)! Voila! I had my list of people stereotypes.

Is there any human being who has lived a life without making the statement “Gosh! You are so similar to another person I know/knew”? I am sure it is impossible to have not drawn similarities. It is the amusing function of the brain to connect unconnected dots. I think I also understood why the brain does that. Known devil is better than unknown angel.

They say that the most complex(a.k.a intelligent) of people and the most complicated of organisms are shy creatures. Hence the introvert brain(I don't know which side of MY BRAIN is an introvert!! Exceptions exist I guess!) in man does not want to relive a torment similar to the first day of school. What about First Day at school? Too many people equals too many new faces equals Stereotype Sample Generation- First Cut.

After a certain number of years the social side of the brain turns off and enters into Introvert Mode and starts mapping people to older stereotypes. This makes interaction with the new faces much more at ease because something tries fooling the brain(I am not a doctor but it is the soothing hormone. Natural pacifier! Docs please comment! :P) saying it is a familiar breed(already identified group) of people.

Once we place people in their respective segments, we start judging and predicting their behaviour. Or should I say we hope that what we predict from past experiences only happens and hope that we are not rudely surprised. In my life I have about 20 types of people I have met. To facilitate recognition first thing I do, I ask for birthdays. Zodiacs!

There are just 12 zodiacs but they help in placing people under s broader classification of people. Apart from all these categories, when I bump into another similar being of some category, I realise that they follow a similar pattern in perception to some emotions, attitude and appearances and the most important is that their family environment and choice of parters is also similar!

After pondering about all this over the weekend, I feel like I am the 18 year old me sitting amidst the many people who touched my life in different ways. I hope I don't do anything stupid like running and hugging them or something similar! If changes and differences are inevitable...is similarity escapable? It depends on how much you miss/like the person you associate the others to!!

My Lifeline: F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I am still speechless!
I have had a lot of people walk in an out of my life. Some people stay and some people don't.
Last week I met an old friend of mine. Not any normal friend, someone who has touched my life immensely. The minute we met, she gave me a hug that could not have meant anything but "Damn girl, I missed you a lot". There were issues between us that had no solution 5 years ago...But today it all seemed insignificant. She means a lot to me now, just like she did 5 years back.

I have managed to analyse my friends. I only mean the closest of the closest.

Places I met first met them:

School: 2
College: 2
Random: 3
Office: 2

How do I know that they mean a lottttt to me?

1. My sms's are more than 1 part long.
2. I am offline on gtalk and still start a conversation.
3. I skype or call often!! I hate chatting and calling people.
4. I fight when I get reduced attention or late news.
5. I yearn for a hug and a quality conversation.
6. I run around and jump when I have news to give them.
7. I can spend hours patting their backs to make them sleep.
8. I say "Thank you for your day. You made my day." after a meeting that I loved.
9. I try to make decisions for them.
10. I spend their money shamelessly and think not once to spend mine on them.

If you are one of the people in my life who I value...based on the criteria above, please never give up on me. I am a fool and I don't know how to talk...but I love you
and I mean it when I say it! Friends make my life worth it!

Theory Of Mankind:

I was in a restaurant with my team from work and this question was posed to me.
"What is love?" my boss asked.
I was astound! I love the man I am going to marry but did I know what love was?!!!
"Do you know the person you want to marry?", he shot again.
I wanted the world to open up and suck me in. I still remained speechless.
They were the ones who were high and them blabbering made sense to a sober mind of mine. But why was I so puzzled??!!!
Then came the last canon on my head. "Can you love just one person in life?".
He was my boss and I could not say much in resistance, so I entered my pensive mode. I spoke less and thought more. Thinking is sometimes the last thing I do...because I talk faster than I think. I am not demeaning myself as an individual but clarifying for the many times I say things I should not have said!
Dinner was over and people left. Nobody even gave those questions a second thought. I think they were being kind enough not to pounce on a soul soon getting wed. I left with a heavy heart but not too long after that did I find my answers.
Just like the apple that knocked off Newton's head to make him realise gravity, an sms from a guy I knew and loved in the past triggered off some thoughts.
....................................................................................
7 years ago that seemed like the definition of love...but was it?
Did I still love him now?
Is thinking about all this almost as bad as cheating on the one I love the most?
Is love just defined by marriage or social obligations?
....................................................................................

Answers:
What I had learnt about love & years back laid one of the basic of the very many foundations necessary for building relationships in life.
Yes I loved him, because that was my definition of love then and I still do because that is not the only definition of love.
Over these years, not being together with a person has only meant that the love that was between us could not turn into a marriage.
I have exactly 7 people in my life apart from family who I love without bounds. Guys and girls included. This does not mean that I lust the two "boy"friends of mine! But I love them.
When you decide to marry someone, it is mostly based on a chemistry and bodily hormones. Age is the primary factor. In my case I dont quite know which one it is!!

I can define it like this:

You marry when:
LOVE= Friendship + chemistry + hormones racing + similar interests + age + social/physical compatibility + LUCK + trust
You are friends when:
LOVE=Concern + intuition + trust + affection
You are best friends when:
LOVE=Friendship + chemistry + similar interests + social compatibility + trust


Note:When you dont marry some one it automatically falls best friends category.

Conclusion:
There is no one love in life. There is love everywhere. It follows the law of the universe. "All matter can be transformed from one form to another but cannot be destroyed".


Accepting instead of expecting will make life seem love-filled!!!

The Day Date:

A day date? An entire day spent as the first date. Something none of us might get the chance to do in this lifetime. But I got to do it and I consider myself very lucky!

Started with an alarming ring tone on my phone, “Wake up you lazy bones, I am here waiting for you!”. I woke up and rushed into the bathroom, doing something some people might not completely call a bath. I stood under the shower as I brushed my teeth and shampooed my hair. I was excited…very excited. This was the guy I liked all my life(from times I don’t quite remember) and he was here, willing to spend an entire day with me.

I wore the most comfortable pair of jeans and the first tee shirt I pulled out of my wardrobe. I didn’t have time to dress for the day-date nor did I care about what I wore. The typical me would have tried a dozen clothes before slipping into the final one. But this was too special to lose out on. I caught the first rickshaw that I saw, suppressing the haggler in me I continued to direct the driver to take me to the bus stand. The place where we had spent school days waiting for buses. I couldn’t wait to hug him but just gave a light chuckle to tease each other of our weights. The headed to the south Indian breakfast joint-Saravana Bhavan. Ordered my favourite aapam and coconut milk. I took out the school photos and we had a nice laugh about it.

We spent one hour eating and talking about our current lives. Though it had changed immensely, it was always open to each other. I had a master plan chalked out in my head but there was no time to implement it. Too short a notice. I wanted to cook for him and go on a picnic but ended up just shopping at Spencer’s Daily. A loaf of brown bread, a packet of cheese slices and a huge chips packet. We had this and an entire day.

We took the bus to a sea side point from where the sea, the forest and some sand are visible. The journey was 2 hours and we spoke about so many things, constantly hinting to how much we miss each other. We were kids back then and there was no one to talk about right and wrong. Now we were older but life had taken away our chances. We spoke about life, the past, his friends, my friends, my work, his work and our ambitions in life. As we spoke, we realised why we had not ever got a chance to be together. We reached the scenic spot and I spread my bed sheet. We sat down and spoke more about our lives. How politics on his end worked and what hobbies he had. I spoke nothing. I was amazed at how much he could talk. I didn’t know this side to him all these years.

I was facing the sea and he was facing me. After a couple of hours of non stop talking, we decided we needed a break and so I made the sandwiches. He liked the cheese at the corner of the sandwich , so he can eat the best part last. Well…I was praying god would keep the best of the day to the end. I guess my prayer was answered! I was sure he was in love with me still because I could see it in his eyes. Many years back he told me that he cannot accept love into his life because he was on earth for a reason. I wondered what kind of mission it was. I was 15 and I knew no end to imagination. I thought he was a secret agent, but wondered why he couldn’t have me as family.

After 6 hours of sweet nothings, we decided to hit the road and head back to the city. I am bad at crossing roads but not as bad as a child that needs to hold an adult. I gripped on to his hand as we made it to the other side. I wished life was so simple. I prayed I could have him through thick and thin to hold me and help me cross all my lifes paths. We reached the city and went to the restaurant where I had made dinner reservations. Crimson Chakra. I entered the place and folded my jeans. We both had a table in the middle of a beautiful pool. What could be better? He was right in front of me and there was water all around. An artificial cascade in the background as well.

I felt like I was pulled out of a romantic movie. We ordered food just to give us an excuse to be there. We were playing in the water and there was no feeling in my 23yrs that could beat that. After 2 hours of playing and eating, he pulled my notepad and scribbled in something that made life different. “I love you forever. Thank you for this beautiful day”. We paid and left. We took an auto and he asked me if he could hold my hand. It was beautiful. A kiss on my palm had never felt better. We reached my stop holding together our hands. I got off and decided I might never see him again, so climbed over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. There ended my date with the boy from my past....who had not much in my future. We parted ways and hardly met...but that day was THE BEST!

My Virtual Story:

There are things that have to be experienced in reality and there are things that can be “FELT” virtually. Even I did not know what the meaning of a virtual life was. People all around the world spoke to each other, as though the concept of distances never existed. Is this skype such a big invention after all? I was always wrong till I started doing life's silly things with my friend on skype.


Some people might not understand the amount technology has affected my life in particular. Seated in a place close to 10,000 miles away from my companion in stupidity, I spoke, I cried, I laughed, I joked and I fought. Falling in love might have been easy but nothing happened in reality.


We were not buddies who had never met in life but were one of those people whose "Absence made the heart grow more fond of each other". Life was different before we parted ways into different geological regions but was difficult once we realised that distance was not our only enemy. Time was too. I slept through his day and he slept through mine. It really meant when one said "You need to take that extra mile to make your friendship work". It was not a joke. Many many years of beautiful friendship. Nobody I knew would be happy if I threw it out.


We had a lot of factors to negate when we spoke to each other. Time lags. Phase lags. Context lags..and more! But we didn't care one bit. Valentines day came and we danced through the night. Not like other romantic couples who proposed love to the other person on that day and surely not in each others arms, but we did salsa to the music on youtube. What could be better. Flower on my ears and a skirt knee long was all that was required to make my day the best.


He was a student and I was an employee. Yes we were opposite sex but still nothing ever occurred. Life was an extended holiday with a happiness prescription to it. We spoke once in the morning and once at night. Never did we get tired or bored. Satiated...was a feeling so far fetched that nobody could see. Gtalk and skype were my saviours through this.


Everyday we didn't talk was a day that was wasted. Still nothing had changed and we were still single. We had our own fancies...of women and men. Of crushes and clouds that passed us nearby. I wish I could apologise for abusing technology, but why I didn't is a whole new different story.



Priorities changed and so did we. And mine was a new game with different new people with nothing to tame. I got away from my computer , I ran away from places, but what could anyone do, because everything was virtual. My world was a game and the elements were gone. Nothing to hold close and nothing to choose. I know that after a decade or two, be it in each others life or somewhere else, I would walk into a park and find him seated on the bench.


Nothing will be said. So we would have walked out of each others life thinking the other found us expendable. I know for a fact that he is so indispensable that nobody could replace him in my life and it would hurt me to see him so far away.


We might even walk away from each other as though we dont recognise. But the truth will be that we dont compromise. Compromise is a difficult word to explain...we just would not want the other person to compromise on commitments. Bye bye dear friend. You are worth more than just that. I love you forever and you know that pretty well.

Humanity Reaching Inhumane Levels:

Black Eyed Peas rightly came up with the song "Where Is The Love?". Sometimes it is so hard to believe that human beings are so caught up in their lives that considering another human being for what he is, has become a rarity on this so called brotherly love filled planet.


I have heard of my friends talk about Man-Elephant conflicts, ManVsWilderness conflicts, but Man turning enemy to man is something unbelievable! You might think that I am talking about Hindu-Muslim Riots or BJP-Congress Fights or The Female-Male Ego Clashes, but NO!!What we are dealing with here, are a bunch of cold-blooded, self involved species of homo sapiens! Or are these the homo homo sapiens that zoology books refer to as The New Beings??? Whichever it might be, I hate this evolution.

Case: Chennai is a bad place to be travelling in, during the hottest months of summer. Humidity and the piercing sun are the two things that can make anyone want to reach their destination ASAP( as the corporates call As Soon As Possible). I was in my cab, travelling to office on a bright Friday morning. Fridays are great days to go to work, since there is always a weekend to look forward to. I was in an animated conversation with my friend about the plans that we had made for the weekend, while suddenly at a distance at the signal I saw a small crowd on the side of the road, I knew that it could not be anything good.

Soon my cab crossed the crowd and I saw a man lying there on his face in a pool of blood, unconsciously fighting for life! I noticed that, all that the people around him had done is just make a phone call for an ambulance( this I realised later, because I saw the ambulance near my office after 15 minutes) and then carried on with their lives by walking here and there , while the partially deceased body(I assume the ambulance was mighty late) occupied the footpath built on the side of the road for people to walk on. My cab was at about 60 km/hr and the first thing that struck my mind was if I must jump off along with the first aid kit too, but I threw that idea off my mind because I did not want people in my office to call me an "Attention Seeker".

While I threw the idea off my mind, I also accompanied it with a silent prayer for his survival. What I could do as a helpless, newly employed 22 year old, I did. I called the hospital whose name I had read across the ambulance and asked them if the man had survived. They said that he lost 2 units of blood but he would survive. Google is god, because if not for google I would have not rested in peace, nor would I have enjoyed my girlie weekend that followed. Google is still god because , if god did exist , he would not allow such evil beings to evolve from such warm, loving humans. I am no atheist, but I am a nut. I sometimes get angry with the divine creature who terms himself GOD!!


How can mankind be man"KIND" if he feels no kindness to at the least to his fellow beings??? I would be willing to just about hear any justification where people say "Hurting trees, plants and animals is something we will never know about, since they have no means of expressing themselves to us", but what excuse can one give to ignore human beings? If today, one cannot be confident of help from fellow citizens during life or death situations, how can anyone expect to shower brotherly love on each other? I am no saint and I know that I might die on the road tomorrow while people go past my partially dead body ,happily chatting on their mobile phones and I will continue to fight for life till my body gives up.


Why not be selfish in THIS WAY(Considering the fact that the newly evolved homo homo sapiens have cold blood running through their circulatory system!) : CHANGE PERSPECTIVES. Continue to be selfish in a different way. This is my last resort to put some sense into the New Beings. Imagine you or the ones you love the most, lying on the road fighting "The Grim Reaper" , while having a dozen onlookers waiting for miracles to happen rather than them running to the nearest medical shop and grabbing first aid equipment and at least trying harder rather than just waiting and watching.


When one sees their loved ones in that place, miracles might happen. The person lying there helpless, is obviously somebodies son/daughter, husband/wife, brother/sister, girlfriend/boyfriend or surely somebodies best friend. Let us change a little! I could have done what my heart said the other day, worst case I might have got a lot of unnecessary attention and won a few hearts in the process but I surely would have been happier with myself! Next time grab your medi kits and make a change, life is too short. Remember that, you have that one chance to give someone some more life than they might have had without you! Make your short life well used and give their almost too short a life, a new beginning!!